Talking about finances is one of the most sensitive topics among spouses, partners, or friends. When you live together, you often find yourself knowing more about your lives in general than you do about your financial situation. This is usually because it stresses you out to think about money so you tend to hold things inside and let them build up.
Then by the time you finally do talk, the both of you are so stressed out that you cannot be reasonable and you end up not accomplishing as much as if you were able to talk calmly about the situation.
If this situation sounds familiar to you, you are not alone. Almost every couple or friends who are living together get stressed out about money. Not talking about things is also the main reason why people often fail to achieve financial success in their lives. If you want to improve your financial situation, here are some helpful tips on how to make a touchy situation more comfortable to talk about:
1Agree on a Time to Talk
One reason why finances tend to get swept under the carpet is your busy lifestyle of having to work, take care of your family, tend to outside responsibilities, and much more. When you do have time to relax the last thing you want to think about is money. However you do need to talk about it if you expect the situation to improve.
The best thing to do is to set a time that is agreeable on both your parts to talk about money. This should be a time when you both know you are not stressed out or tired. Also, make an agreement that if the discussion begins to get tense then you will take a time out to calm down.
The reason it is important to agree on a time to talk is that most arguments begin when one person simply blurts it out and the other person is already stressed about something else or for one reason or another is not receptive to hearing about it right at that moment. Setting a time to talk also avoids both of you waiting until the end of the day when you are both tired and ready to call it quits for the day.
2Create an Agenda
Although creating an agenda sounds like getting ready for some boring meeting at your place of employment, the agenda does not have to be quite like that. Instead of a formal meeting agenda, consider how stressful things get when you do talk about money and decide to talk about only a few specific things at a time. After you are finished discussing them, leave it at that and then plan on doing something you both enjoy doing together immediately afterward. The next time around, discuss a few more things until you reach the point where there is open communication.
3Focus on What You Want to Accomplish
Instead of pointing the finger at one another and telling each other that you need to change your behavior, focus more on what you both want to accomplish when it comes to financial goals. You will never get anything accomplished if one or both of you plays the blame game.
Talk about specific things you want to accomplish such as getting the credit card balance paid down, spending less on things you don’t really need, or refinancing the house. Break things down into short term and long term goals and then come to an agreement as to how you both plan to contribute to accomplishing those goals.
4Ask Each Other Questions
I know...asking questions usually results in a heated discussion; however, you can ask them in a way that is positive and allows you to learn about one another’s goals and aspirations. For example, if you ask a question like “Why do you keep spending so much?” this will automatically put you on the road to having a disagreement. On the other hand, if you ask a question like, “Where do you want to be in two years?” this represents something positive that managing your money can do for the both of you.
Try asking questions like: What do you feel you need? What do you want to do in your retirement? Where do you feel your biggest weaknesses are when it comes to money? What would you like to do differently? Questions like these show regard for the other person and promotes productivity when trying to redirect your financial situation. What’s more, it encourages the person to express some of their feelings about things that stress them out when it comes to money. You may even discover that the both of you are making common mistakes you are not aware of when it comes to handling the finances.
5Make Common Sacrifices
Once you both decide where you want to be and what you want to accomplish decide on one thing you both can sacrifice to help reach your financial goals. Follow that by another and another and make it mutual each time you decide to give up one thing. For example, if one person is buying a $5.00 latte at the local coffee shop every day while another is eating out for lunch on a daily basis; one person can agree to take their coffee with them in the morning while the other agrees to pack their lunch the night before.
6Agree on Responsibilities
Agree on who is taking responsibility for what. If your financial situation ends up every month like “Was this bill paid?” you are headed for trouble. Decide on who is going to pay what and how you will communicate when it comes to the monthly bills. Also, include how you are going to allocate any money that is left over each month after the bills are paid and then stick to the goal.
Money is one of the main reasons that relationships break up which sometimes causes even more complications when it comes to legal proceedings. If you know you are in the right relationship then start making the financial part of it right too! Once you get started you will find out how much easier it is to talk about it than to hold it inside.
