Do you find that your life is spinning out of control? Do you feel like you cannot catch your breath? Do you feel like you need some down time? If the answer to these questions is “yes” then you are not alone. There are a lot of people who think of giving to others first and then place themselves last on the list. This leads to exhaustion and a life of service to everyone but you.
If you cannot figure out how you got into this situation it is time to start thinking of yourself and take some “me” time to organize and recharge your batteries. Unfortunately, the reason your life is out of hand is because of beliefs that may have been instilled in you early in life or other influences which have caused you to place others before your own well being. So the point here is to start working to reverse this process and the first step is to understand how your life got this way so you can dig yourself out.
1Understanding Your Traits and Behaviors
If you do not understand the cause of a situation it makes it very difficult to find a solution. Sit down by yourself and write down some of your thought processes and some of the actions you take in your daily life so you can see them in front of you.
Take the time to reflect on your past. What was your childhood like? Did your parents expect you to take care of their needs at a time when they should have been taking care of yours? Perhaps you grew up in an abusive household with the lack of support and nurturing you should receive to develop as a whole person.
Take a look back to discover what happened to make you place the needs of others before your needs. Try to understand the root of the problem so you can find a solution. This may not be an easy thing to admit to yourself but it is necessary if you are going to begin to change your habits.
2Value Yourself
If some of the above is true about your life it will take a little time to get to know yourself and your values. Start to recognize your own unique abilities and your right to have a happy life. Create a portrait of what you want your life to look like and then compare it to what you are doing now. If your life is full of serving others make note of this and then come up with a solution for each situation. For example, if your friend is always demanding your company when you have other things to do, come up with a compromise so you can take care of your needs without alienating your friend.
Don’t be afraid to tell someone that you have plans or there is something you need to do. If you show others that you value yourself they will learn to respect you. You may face resistance at first but if you stay consistent you will eventually make your life more manageable while conditioning the behavior of others who intrude on your time.
Start taking care of yourself and set aside time that is only for you. If you take care of your physical appearance this also shows other that you value yourself and others will begin to change their behavior toward you. If they cannot accept the change then don’t worry about it. Valuing yourself and who you are is your birthright.
3Value Your Work
Working with others who do not value your work and the effort you put forth can be a tough call because there are so many outside influences. You could have a boss that refuses to change his or her ways, co-workers who are disrespectful and dump all of their work on you, employment where you feel you cannot advance any further, and a lot of other influences.
The best thing to do is to stop and take stock of your situation. Make a list of everything that is bothering you and then see if you can find a solution for each. If the situation is unable to be improved the answer may be to acquire new employment or change your career and start fresh. If there are only a few things that you think you can fix, then go for it.
You can also take a look inside yourself to see if you feel there is anything about yourself you could improve to make people stand up and take notice of your work and what you do. Perhaps it may only be a little trait that you have that can be easily improved.
4Value Your Time
If you are conditioned to believe that other’s needs come before yours it will be necessary for you to work to create a balance. This means learning the word “no” and following it with something like, “I understand what you need however I have something I have to do.” This does not mean that you have to say “no” all of the time; however, in the beginning you are going to have to do it often to condition yourself before you can achieve a balance. Saying “no” tells others that you value your time which will be hard for others to accept at first if they are accustomed to demanding your time and getting it.
Come up with a plan for doing some of the things that you want or need to do that you always set aside to take care of others. Figure out what these things are and then decide how you will handle each situation as it transpires. If you plan ahead for what you are going to say, it will not be as difficult to get started with saying “no.”
